The Ultimate Question
by purplegirl761
Summary: Inspired by a Darkwing Duck...thingy.... The characters of Kim Possible grapple with the ultimate question: Why did the chicken cross the road?


Got the idea after reading this: .net/s/350519/1/Why_Did_The_Chicken_Cross_The_Road_DWstyle. Decided it might be fun to try it KP-style.

So, why _did_ the chicken cross the road?

Kim Possible: "I'm not entirely sure yet, but I'll get right on figuring it out. In the meantime, here are some 'Caution: Chicken Xing' signs. Put them up."

Ron Stoppable: "Ya know, I crossed the road once. Of course, halfway across I noticed that my shoelace was untied, so I stopped to tie it. Heh, heh….did you know that the front ends of cars are a lot harder than they look?"

Rufus: "Uh-huh, ouch."

Wade: "I've done a scan of all known traffic cameras, and I don't see any chickens crossing the road. Something fishy's going on. I'll keep you posted, Kim."

Monique: "To get to Club Banana, on the other side. I'm tellin' you, girl, that chicken needs a good set of capris to go with all those feathers!"

Mr. Steve Barkin: "That chicken was JAYWALKING! That's DETENTION for you, pal!"

Dr. James Timothy Possible: "Well, I could put the chicken into geosynchronous orbit, but I'm not sure how that would help…"

Dr. Ann Possible: "Oh, that chicken. You know, he shouldn't try to cross the road without adult supervision. Maybe I need to open him up and make sure everything's okay in there. "

Jim Possible: "We should build the chicken a laser-powered jetback! Then he'll never have to cross the road again! Hicka-bicka-boo!"

Tim Possible: "Hoo-shaw!"

Mr. Stoppable: "As an actuary, I calculate that that chicken has a one in five chance of being run over and seriously injured by a motor vehicle."

Mrs. Stoppable: "Didn't you hear? We're actually adopting that chicken tomorrow! This _is _our way of telling you!"

Hana Stoppable: "Chi-cken!" (giggles hysterically)

Bonnie Rockwaller: "Like, what kind of loser chicken still _walks _across the road? Shouldn't he drive there in a cute little new convertible? The way _I _do?"

Brick Flagg: "Chicken. That's like a bird, right?"

Duff Killigan: "Lassie, why would a chicken cross a road? It doesna' make sense! I thought chickens stayed on their farms and clucked and laid eggs. That's their home, like my home is on the golf course…."

Monkey Fist: "Chicken? Who cares about chickens? Monkeys are the superior animals! They are the ones who wield monkey kung fu and shall one day rule over all the other creatures!"

Ron: "Monkeys!" (runs around in a panic)

Frugal Lucre: "You know, we used to sell chickens at Smarty Mart. Aisle 16, right next to the lemurs. And one day, there was a chicken that got loose and did nothing but stare at me, so I said 'What are you looking at?' and he kept staring and I said, 'Really? Do I have something on my face?' and he just kept staring…."

DNAmy: "Oooh, a chicken! Chickens are so cute! Especially when they're merged with monkeys!"

Ron: "Monkeys!"

Dr. Drakken: "With my new doomsday mind-control ray, I, Dr. Drakken, will turn all chickens into my mindless zombie army. And they will rip up all the roads in the world, and no one will ever be able to travel anywhere again, unless they surrender control of the world to me!!!!!! MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! MWAH-HA-HA!" (stops and blinks) "And give me all their peanut brittle. I woke up this morning really craving peanut brittle."

Lucre: "…and then the manager had to come and pry the chicken off my head, and when it got off I found out that it had laid an egg on my head, and I was worried that when it hatched it would start calling me Mommy, and I'm not even female…"

Professor Dementor: "I am not understanding this. What are chickens crossing roads having to do with taking over the world? Is there going to be a popping quiz on this? Or can I leave now?"

Senor Senior, Sr.: "I am not sure of why the chicken crossed the road. Perhaps because it, like me, had so much free time that he had no idea what else to do. Maybe I can hire it as an intern for me."

Senor Senior, Jr.: "What kind of silly chicken crosses the road on foot? He should pay someone to chauffer him across! That is what I would do!"

Ron: "Monkeys!"

Lucre: "….so I walked around with this egg on my head for a week, and my mom was starting to worry about me, and all my friends at Smarty Mart said they didn't know me…"

Motor Ed: "I don't know why the chicken crossed the road! But I do know that he can't get across the road as fast I can in my wicked super monster truck! Seriously!"

Camille Leon: "Ewww! Chickens are so gross! They have all these, like, feathers that, like, tickle and it's just, like, nasty!"

Shego: "Here's a better question. Why do we care?"

(Everyone stops and stares at her. Drakken goes cross-eyed.)

Shego: "I mean it. Really, _why does it matter_?"

(Everyone shrugs.)

Shego: (waves hand) "Move along, people. Nothing to see here."

Ron: "Are we done talking about monkeys?"

(Everyone sort of drifts away.)

Lucre: "…and then it followed me wherever I went and it was kind of awkward when I got arrested the first time….Hey, where did everybody go?"

THE END


End file.
